Rather than resolutions, I prefer to set intentions. Time to take stock of my 2018 intentions and see how they played out.
I put this post-it note on my wall at the beginning of this year:
Intentions for 2018:
– Enjoy my third semester
– Enjoy my semester off
– Move downstairs
– Stay out of the hospital
– Get my PMP
– Take a week off to relax
– Stay sober
Overall I was able to fulfill these goals, if not always in the way that I desired.
I had moments of joy in my third semester and breathed a sigh of relief when it ended and I didn’t have to immediately prep for another one. My partner and I did buy the place downstairs and successfully moved. We found a tenant and got a bunch of work done on the interior and exterior of the house. It was a stretch financially but we seem to have settled into a sustainable rhythm. I had to take a month off work for intensive treatment of my annoying chronic illness, but didn’t have to endure an actual inpatient visit. I studied as hard as possible for my PMP but vastly underestimated the amount of time and energy it would take to get ready for the test. Not sure I’ll be ready to take it before my year-long access to the training wraps up next summer but I’ll do my best to keep plugging while also finishing up my MFA at Lesley. I took a week off in the summer, but was in the throes of depression and couldn’t really relax. And I celebrated 12 years of continuous sobriety on December 7.
All in all, a pretty successful year. For me, anyway. It’s hard for me to enjoy my successes given some of the awful, hateful things that have happened in our nation. It pains me to think of the people in our country working two, three, or more jobs, still struggling to put food on the table. It saddens and angers me to think of the danger Black people face every time they interact with law enforcement. I can’t even begin to express how I feel when I think of small children ripped from their parents, forced into cages, and dying of the flu while the descendants of other immigrants callously celebrate these inhumane policies. I celebrate the advances in civil rights for queer/trans/nonbinary people and fear more backlash in the culture wars. I send money, attend rallies, try and fail to express these things in my writing, but nothing feels like enough.
Still, I’ll do my best to be grateful for the blessings the God/dess has heaped on me while also fighting for change and healing in our world. I’m so grateful for other members of my tribe who fight so much more effectively than me. And we’ll see what 2019 has in store.